About death. Not specifically about dying. But the aftermath of it. I know, I’m young… Not that age matters with death. But thinking about it makes me want to plan where my belongings should go after. Should I die young. I’m not married. I’m single. I have no kids. And I have yet to meet anyone that has made me want to share my belongings with them in that way. At least not yet. Not to that level.
But even though I am only 26 and I am single.. I think I should make a Will or a Trust. So that my things can be inherited by those I care about. Things like, my house if I buy one this upcoming month of December or in January. My car and my bank accounts. I’d like my sister Monica to inherit everything I’ve worked so hard for. Because I know that she has a good heart. And that what money I have would go to good things through her. And I know she’d help distribute care to my best friends. I’d want my sister and my best friends to have everything.
I know it's a bit early. But I'd like to say what I'm thankful for...
I’m thankful for first times.
The first time someone taught me to hold the door for others.
The first time someone taught me to say “please” and “thank you”
The first time someone taught me how to drive a car.
The first time someone taught me how to build a bike.
The first time someone taught me how to make beats.
The first time someone taught me how to cook for myself.
The first time someone encouraged me to venture off on my own.
The first time someone insisted on paying for me on a date.
The first time someone took me out for a cup of coffee.
The first time someone introduced me to sushi.
The first time someone introduced me to Vietnamese food.
The first time someone took me on a road trip.
The first time someone taught me about vegetarian and vegan food.
The first time someone encouraged me to always try new foods.
The first time someone fixed my shirt as I was leaving for work.
The first time someone fixed my hair.
The first time someone visited me when I was very ill.
The first time someone took care of me when I was very sick.
The first time someone took me exploring in another country.
The first time someone baked for me.
The first time I spent the Holiday away from home.
The first time someone sincerely told me I was cute.
The first time someone held my hand.
The first time I fell asleep talking with someone.
The first time someone told me that I give the best hugs.
The first time someone told me that I changed their life for the better.
The first time I understood what it was to genuinely adore someone.
The first time someone told me I was different, in a beautiful way.
The first time someone told me that they were thankful for my existence.
I’m thankful for all of these first times. Because every time I experience them again, I always think of the people I experienced it with first. All of which were very positive courteous experiences that helped me grow in some way. And all these experiences and the people I experienced them with, made me a better person. I am very lucky to have had all of these experiences.
I knew the possibilities and I knew the risks. But I figured… If I ever were to lose my job for something… It was going to be right there and it was going to be for a good cause. If I would have lost it right there.. I would have been proud because it would have been worth every second of my being.
I had been thinking about it all month… Then finally I walked upstairs to the executive floor and asked the one I talk to most, if she could please help me fund money for my friend with brain cancer. And although I know she’s a good person, I still had some doubt. Because my company has a “No soliciting” policy. But! She said yes!!! She’d be happy to help! And to ask others to help! And I can’t get fired, because whatever an executive member says, goes!
I had never been so happy and grateful in my life! I feel so lucky that I work with humble people!
My best friend Lace starts Chemo soon for her brain tumor. And I’m ready… For the day, should she start losing her hair. I’m ready to let her shave my head.. so that I can go through it with her… And she won’t have to go through it by herself :)
To the point where I hate that sleep is a body requirement. I’m greedy with time. Much like how people are with gluttony or money. Because I’m never satisfied with how much time I spend with people. Spending time growing and contributing to someone else’s growth. I always feel like I need more. More time.
I’m laying next to my best friend. The one who has a brain tumor. Holding her hand, trying to help her fall asleep. She’s so exhausted. But so antsy. Just talking about everything, half-asleep. She’s so happy to see me back from LA. She didn’t know I was back.
My other best friends and I trade off shifts with her or we all stay together. Because she’s scared to wake up alone.
That one of my best friends has a brain tumor and had been in the hospital for about a week. She requested that our circle of friends keep it from me while I was on my business trip in Nevada. She wanted everyone to wait til my plane home landed, to tell me. Because she didn’t want me to worry. Our friends told me this morning while I was out on my morning jog. And I never ran home so fast in my life to shower and pack a backpack.
When I got here… I just laid in bed with her and held her hand. And we talked just like we used to when we were kids. But even deeper than ever before. I spent so much time re-memorizing all the details of her face, as she spoke. Even though I already know them… One of my boys and I went out to get food for everyone. For all 8 of us and her mom who were camping out in the room.
When I got back my best friend was having a breakdown. And my other best friend was holding her hand. I ran to the bed and all the boys left to let us talk privately. I was hugging her legs and knees so tightly as she talked about everything she was thinking. It just made me think about everything in my life. It made me want to be so good to all my future relationships. It made me want to fix things with my ex. It made me want to tell everyone I love, that I love them.
I’m sleeping here every day until she get’s to go home. Kiss her forehead every night and wish her sweet dreams and good morning when she wakes up. I love this girl and her family so much! And I’m trying my best to tell her positive things every time I talk. We all are. I’m blessed to have grown up with such a good circle of friends. We’re all here. This is one of my best friends. And I love her so!
Sometimes when I get home from work after a super long day/week/month. I’m so exhausted that I just lay miserably on the floor, in my entry room, near my front door. Sprawled out like the letter X. And sometimes I melt to sleep there without knowing. And then I wake up…. And my puppy is cuddled under my armpit sleeping with me. It’s so cute!
It is an amazing thought to comprehend. To acknowledge that there are so many people on earth that you can't meet them all. And there are so many places on earth, that you cannot travel to. In 1 lifetime.
I always find a way. If it's not by foot, it's by bike. If it's not by bike, it's by car. If it's not by car, it's by bus. If it's not by bus, it's by train. If I can't get there with any of those, it will be by plane. I will crawl the remainder of the way if I have to. But I will always find myself a way. And I will get there.