It’s a combination of a bunch of things to be honest. To some extent it has to do with my big sister Monica who did the majority of raising me when I was a kid up until I was in high school. She built a good positive influence in me. Was very motivational, being so young and having to play the role of both parents for me.
On a more serious, negative but very true note. I believe that my relationship between my parents and their relationship with me has done a lot to mentally motivate me. My dad was a very successful man who worked all his life and didn’t really have a good relationship with my siblings and I. And my mom was a stay at home wife who was a drug addict. My dad always made sure we had food on the table and he loved my mom so much that he was blind to everything. My mom cheated on my dad for years with a man in another state. She lied to my dad and my siblings and I for years. Until my dad died. And we found out that she only stayed married to my dad so that she could inherit his money and house. When I was a teenager, my dad passed away. And as soon as my mom inherited everything, she left us all, so she could be with the guy she cheated on my dad with.
I guess that really put things into view for me. For how to shape my belief and trust system in the future. But it also motivated me to work harder in the sense that I never want to rely on someone else to take care of me. I want to know that I can always take care of myself. With and or without someone else. And it made me competitive with myself. Because I always wanted to prove to myself that I don’t need a parent to take care of me. And there is a certain sense of humbleness and pride when you can say “I bought that on my own” Or “I did that without any help”. A type of humbleness and pride you can’t get from growing up spoiled. To know that you grew into something from nothing. And that keeps me on track.